I promise I didn't forget about you. I promise I thought of you often. I promise that a hundred times I wished you were with me in some amazing place just so we could grab coffee. I promise I am still your friend. I promise that our friendship hasn't wavered.
But I need you to know something: I didn't text everyday, respond to every SnapChat, answer every Facebook message not because I didn't want to talk to you, but because my life didn't stop when I landed in a foreign country; if anything it accelerated forward in a way I never knew possible. I made friends you would love, visited cities that were missing only you.
Just as I feel the need to remind you that my life didn't stop and I wasn't ignoring you, I also have to remind myself that your life continued without skipping a beat when I left. You found a new routine. You made new friends. You have new inside jokes that I'll probably never think are funny. And my fickle self-esteem keeps me from thinking I have a place with you. I need reminders, probably too often. I'm not questioning your loyalty or love - don't read what I didn't write. I just struggle to put myself back into your life.
Please understands that when I shut myself in or run away for the weekend, it isn't because I don't want to spend time with you. That's what I want more than anything. I seclude myself because I'm not sure how to do anything else. It's the easy answer. It's the wrong one, but it's the easy one.
And understand that I'm different now. I'm not a different person, I've just squeezed two years of growing up into six months. I've experienced life in a way I will forever try to put into words but I will always fail. There is a part of me you will never be able to know and understand until you leave normalcy and live life with totally amazing strangers for four months and see things that have inspired humanity for centuries. And guess what? You can do that, and should do that, and need to do that. Please ask me how.
The next month could be hard, and might require us to put more effort into our relationship than ever before. I need you to listen and never understand, and I need to hear all about your life and have the opportunity to care. I need you to tell me to shut up about myself. I need you to warn your new friends about me and let them know just how cool I am. I need you to help me make this real life again.
Hope me not lose you.
Always your friend,
Mckenzie • Kenz • Kenzie • Makka • Mac Daddy • Dirty Mac • Sista Grigg• McGriggles • Mac Attack • Mack • Mankenzie • Big M
P.S. Thank you you for all the awesome nick names.