5/28/2016 4 Comments Let's Hear It For "The Boys"SIBLINGS ARE SUCH AN INTERESTING ENTITY.
THERE HAVE BEEN TWO TIMES IN MY LIFE THAT I'VE HAD THE COGNIZANT THOUGHT "I WISH MY BROTHER JAMES WAS HERE". THERE HAVE BEEN MAYBE THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIMES I'VE THOUGHT THAT OF MY BROTHER CARTER. THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, I'VE ALWAYS STOPPED TO READ ARTICLES DISCUSSING BIRTH ORDER AND SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS. IT'S MY BELIEF THAT UNTIL YOU PARENT A CHILD, THE ONLY SCENARIO WHERE YOU EXPERIENCE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE IN YOUR LIFE IS FOR YOUR SIBLINGS. DID I FIGHT WITH MY SIBLING? YES. DID I TELL THEM I HATED THEM? ON MANY OCCASIONS. WAS IT EVER TRUE? NEVER. HOW CAN I PUT INTO WORDS THE LOVE I I HAVE FOR SOMEONE THAT I NEVER CHOSE I BE IN MY LIFE? THOSE CLOSE TO ME KNOW I AM VERY SELECTIVE WITH THE PEOPLE I LET "IN". I HAVE MANY ACQUAINTANCES, FEW FRIENDS. YET, HERE ARE TWO HUMANS WHO I HAD NO SAY IN BEING LINKED TO (FOREVER, MIGHT I ADD) AND I THINK MY HEART JUST MIGHT STOP IF THEY WERE EVER TAKEN OUT OF MY LIFE. THAT ISN'T LOGICAL, THAT DOESN'T ADD UP, THAT'S NOT HOW WE CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS, OUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS, OUR URBAN TRIBES. THE FIRST TIME I HAD THE COGNIZANT THOUGHT OF WISHING MY BROTHER JAMES WAS STANDING BESIDE ME WAS IN DUBLIN, IRELAND. I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT JAMES' SOUL LONGED FOR SOMEWHERE ELSE, SOMEWHERE REFERRED TO AS THE "OLD COUNTRY", WHERE LIFE WAS SIMPLE AND EASY. HE ISN'T OF THIS TIME, MERELY A VISITOR. ON THE COBBLESTONES OF DUBLIN STREETS, THE BREEZY OF BRIDGES OF THE GREEN ISLE, I KNEW THAT IN SOME PAST LIFE HE HAD BEEN THERE, HE HAD THRIVED THERE. LOOKING OUT ON THE EMERALD CITY - TRINITY COLLEGE, ST. STEPHEN'S GREEN, THE VIKING DISTRICT - MY HEART ACHED FOR HIM TO BE WITH ME, FOR TIME TO FAST FORWARD SO WE COULD TELL THE GRANDKIDS ABOUT THE TIME WE HAD IN THE PLACE OUR SPRINTS BELONGED. THREE DAYS IN DUBLIN MADE THE TWENTY YEARS OF PETTY SIBLING RIVALRY WORTH IT, AND I INSTANTLY UNDERSTOOD HIS HEART, WHO WE WAS, WHO HE IS, AND WHO I HOPE HE BECOMES. THEN THERE'S B CARTER. WE HAD AN INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP GROWING UP BEING SO CLOSE IN AGE. OUR FRIENDS DATED EACH OTHER, WE WENT TO THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL DANCES, EVEN HAD A CLASS TOGETHER FOR A FEW DAYS. WHILE JAMES HAS ALWAYS BEEN LINKED SUBCONSCIOUSLY TO MY MOTHER'S SIDE, CARTER HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE NEXT GENERATION OF MY FATHER. I HESITATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT OUR PERSONALITIES SHARE SO MUCH. I STOOD ON A OUTLOOK, TAKING IN THE BEACHES, THREE CLIFFS BAY AND OXWICH, WHERE BRITISH AND AMERICAN TROOPS PRACTICED FOR THE INVASION OF NORMANDY - THE ROCKY SOUTH COAST OF WALES. I STOOD IN AWE, FIERCELY WISHING THAT TIME WOULD STAND STILL AND HE WOULD APPEAR. FOR WHATEVER REASON, WE BOTH DECIDED TO MAJOR IN HISTORY IN COLLEGE. WE ARE INTERESTED IN DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF HISTORY; NEVER THE LESS, WE SHARE THAT INTELLECTUAL LINK. THE HISTORY AND IMPORTANCE OF WHERE I STOOD LEFT ME EXHAUSTED, AND THE ONLY PERSON I WANTED TO DEBRIEF WITH WAS HIM. THE ONLY PERSON I WANTED TO THE DISCUSS THE "WHAT IFS" OF HISTORY WITH WAS HIM. THERE ARE MOMENTS IN MY LIFE I WISH MY BROTHERS WOULD ACT DIFFERENT, SAY SOMETHING ELSE, OR CARE A LITTLE MORE. BUT I WOULDN'T CHANGE WHO THEY ARE, EVER, FOR NO AMOUNT OF MONEY, FOR NO DREAM VACATION; NOTHING CAN EVER ENTICE ME ENOUGH TO WISH THEM AWAY. I DIDN'T CHOOSE THEM, BUT GIVEN THE CHOICE I WOULD CHOOSE THEM OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. JAMES FRANK AND CARTER, I LOVE YOU BOTH MORE THAN MY WORDS COULD EVER EXPLAIN. MY LIFE WOULD BE BLAND AND UNIMPORTANT WITHOUT YOU BOTH. I'M SO SORRY FOR EVER MAKING YOU FEEL ANY DIFFERENT. IN THIS STAGE IN OUR LIVES, OTHER GIRLS ARE COMING TO STAY BUT I HOPE THAT I WILL ALWAYS HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN YOUR LIFE. EVEN IF YOU WANTED ME TO, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE ANYTIME SOON. NO ONE CAN EVER REPLACE EITHER OF YOU IN MY LIFE. DIBS ON THE ANTIQUE RADIO.
4 Comments
Nana M
5/28/2016 04:42:10 am
Your such a good sister. Loved reading this!
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Mckenzie
5/28/2016 04:47:52 am
I learned from watching you. Love you!
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diana felkins
5/28/2016 06:21:35 pm
I loved reading this. You are an awesome writer. So much so that I got chills going down my neck when you spoke of Ireland and your brother. I always knew I had a family in Austria. I didnt know it would be such a large one!! And then seeing the similarities that we share .....
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Kenzo
5/29/2016 02:16:03 pm
Thank you so much, Diana!!
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