You aren't used to me be being your single friend. For so long, I was the friend you tagged along with on date nights. I backed out of our plans because my boyfriend suddenly had a clear schedule. I didn't even make those plans with you without asking him first. Every conversation you had with me, I managed to bring him up. I was the "we" friend. You know - “we" went to the store, "we" tried that restaurant, "we" watched that on Netflix. You made bets with our friends about how many times I would bring up "him" or "we" the next conversation you had with me.
But as Michael Scott would say, "How the turntables". Now, you don't mention your Friday night plans because you know it involves another couple. I make plans with you and you say "we" are on the way. I keep my schedule free just in case you call. There is always another single strategically planted in the group so I won't feel so left out.
But friend, know this: I am grateful for the eggshells you tread on, for the hesitation in your voice when the conversation turns to boys and romance. I'm thankful that you make sure to tell me that you love me, that you think I'm great. Truthfully, you're better has the attached friend than I ever was.
I am thankful that you don't let me settle. I am thankful that you would rather see me single and waiting than attached and miserable. You know me better than I know myself. You know I need a little romance, some swooning; a travel buddy that will wake up early for breakfast; someone that eat all the things I *try* to cook. You also know I need someone that will call me out and say, "Grigg, you're not trying hard enough, I know you can do better", like you have so many times before. And I will always need you. I will need you to remind me of what I deserve, and what I don't. Don't think I want someone to replace you, because that's impossible.
What's the point of this letter? It isn't to make you pity me. It isn't to make you feel bad that you're not single and I am. This letter is tell you that no matter the guys that come into either of our lives, I will always be your friend and I hope you will always be mine.
So I will try to limit my late night texts and calls; I will let you go with your boyfriend to that move I really wanted to see because I know, it’s date night; I will not comment on how much I dislike your public displays of affection; I will be diligent in sending embarrassing SnapChats of you to your guy without your consent. Most importantly, I will respect anyone that has the gusto and energy to date you because let’s be honest – if you are friends with me, you are a little wacky.
And about these guys you bring around. I have to commend you, you have great taste and a good judge of character. You pick guys that help me up the stairs after foot surgery; you pick guys that ensure me that yes, so-and-so is a jerk; guys that don aprons and gloves to wash dishes after Friendsgiving; and guys that help put together furniture because I contribute to that gender stereotype. Thank you for bringing more friends into my life.
Lastly, thank you for your never ending encouragement. I know that right now I can’t see the forest for the trees, and I am really whiny some days; but your encouragement is constant and always sincere. I have hope for myself because you have hope for me.
How does a girl get so lucky to have friends like you?
Your Single Friend.
I promise I didn't forget about you. I promise I thought of you often. I promise that a hundred times I wished you were with me in some amazing place just so we could grab coffee. I promise I am still your friend. I promise that our friendship hasn't wavered.
But I need you to know something: I didn't text everyday, respond to every SnapChat, answer every Facebook message not because I didn't want to talk to you, but because my life didn't stop when I landed in a foreign country; if anything it accelerated forward in a way I never knew possible. I made friends you would love, visited cities that were missing only you.
Just as I feel the need to remind you that my life didn't stop and I wasn't ignoring you, I also have to remind myself that your life continued without skipping a beat when I left. You found a new routine. You made new friends. You have new inside jokes that I'll probably never think are funny. And my fickle self-esteem keeps me from thinking I have a place with you. I need reminders, probably too often. I'm not questioning your loyalty or love - don't read what I didn't write. I just struggle to put myself back into your life.
Please understands that when I shut myself in or run away for the weekend, it isn't because I don't want to spend time with you. That's what I want more than anything. I seclude myself because I'm not sure how to do anything else. It's the easy answer. It's the wrong one, but it's the easy one.
And understand that I'm different now. I'm not a different person, I've just squeezed two years of growing up into six months. I've experienced life in a way I will forever try to put into words but I will always fail. There is a part of me you will never be able to know and understand until you leave normalcy and live life with totally amazing strangers for four months and see things that have inspired humanity for centuries. And guess what? You can do that, and should do that, and need to do that. Please ask me how.
The next month could be hard, and might require us to put more effort into our relationship than ever before. I need you to listen and never understand, and I need to hear all about your life and have the opportunity to care. I need you to tell me to shut up about myself. I need you to warn your new friends about me and let them know just how cool I am. I need you to help me make this real life again.
Hope me not lose you.
Always your friend,
Mckenzie • Kenz • Kenzie • Makka • Mac Daddy • Dirty Mac • Sista Grigg• McGriggles • Mac Attack • Mack • Mankenzie • Big M
P.S. Thank you you for all the awesome nick names.
Well here it is folks. Mid-August, Wal-Mart never seems to calm down, the shelves always seem to be empty of whatever you need, campuses everywhere are full of young freshman looking for classes and trying to figure out just where do I get a parking permit again? And here I am in the midst of it all with just enough experience to be comfortable in my quaint college town that I've grown to love.
As my roommate and I attended our hall meeting this afternoon after all the freshman had moved in, I realized just how much I am where I am supposed to be; how things seem to just line up to my surprise, how I have this peace about what I'm doing and where I am and I can only thank God that I am experiencing His divine orchestration. When I began school last year I admit that college was not what I was expecting. I had watched too many movies to accept that fact that I was going to a small division II school in a town smaller than the one I grew up in. I had fantasized too many times about times about stepping on to campus and being overcome with emotion and instantly becoming best friends with the first 5 girls I saw. I read too many college recruitment pamphlets to fathom that I wasn't at a school of 45.000 and that I would probably come to at least know or recognize most of the people I saw daily. East Central University wasn't at all what I was expecting. Looking back now, I knew that it wasn't but there was still a hint of something that wished it would fill every college fantasy I had ever had.
But I had to face a hard reality - I was here, not at the fictional university my young mind had dreamed up. I also had to tell myself that THAT WAS OKAY. The fact that I was at a small state school and not some big division I didn't make me a failure, it just made me me. I am so in love with where I am in life and coming into my sophomore year, I am so happy that I can say that and believe it! Growing up around military families that move frequently, you observe that people spend their lives complaining that this place isn't as good as the last and the next place will be even better. I won't accept that. I won't accept that its abnormal to be happy just where I am. I have a wonderful opportunity for a quality education, I have supportive parents who support me in so many ways, I have a Godly boyfriend who encourages and pushes me to grow in Christ, I have fantastic friends that always bring me joy, and a church home with people that care about me and serve me while I serve them.
I didn't end up at my fantasy school in my Hollywood movie of a life but I am so thankful I didn't. As my life stands right now, I am happy. No regrets of the past and no anxiety for the future (2 Corinthains 5:17; Matthew 6:25-26). As I sit with my roommate in silence and sweat in this AC-less dorm, I can say with genuine honesty that there is absolutely nothing in my life that isn't as it should be. For in this moment, I am happy.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come."
Matthew 6:25-26 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body what you will put on.Is not life more that food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?"